This was supposed to be my post from last night but I was not able to publish for some reason....
Well I need to start with oops, I forgot to post last night. Well actually I was so tired I fell asleep while feeding Abigail so after I put her in her crib I went straight to bed. But here I am now so I will make this a good one!
I went to Target this afternoon and when I walked in the doors my first thought was that I could buy some candy while I was there and eat it before I got home and no one would ever know. Truth is, I used to do that ALL the time. I am a serious closet eater. I get embarrassed when people see me eat candy because I always think that they are secretly laughing at the chubby girl getting chubbier. No joke, I used to tell Clint that I needed to go get gas or make up some reason that I needed to go somewhere so that I could get junk food and eat it. I have only recently stopped doing that. In fact, my last 5 or so trips to Target (I go there quite a bit) are the first consecutive trips that I have not gotten candy to eat on my way home. But it's not just there either because I do it at home. If I am home alone I will eat a bunch of garbage and then hide the evidence so that no one will know. I have even found myself eating a bowl of ice cream before Clint gets home, washing the bowl and putting it away so that when he wants ice cream after dinner I can have some too. It is really sad I know, but it is the truth. I think the more honest I am about the fact that I do that, the less I will do it. I always hate myself after I do it but that has never stopped me before. But it explains why someone as active as I am (or was before miss Abigail) is still so chubby.
So anyway, back to my progress. Since I have started this I ahve lost 4 pounds but gained one back. I can't be too unhappy with that I guess considering we went camping and the boys have been home with me all week and we have eaten out a lot. But my time to get super serious about this is approaching and I need to really kick it into high gear. Just recently there was a living social deal for a 4 week weight loss program so I bought it. I am going to wait a little while before I do it since it doesn't expire until December, but I will get to meet with a doctor and they will determine my metabolism and body composition and create a weight loss plan based on me. The reason I am going to wait is because I am still breastfeeding and I do not want to give that up so that I can take a diet pill. But Abigail starts day care in August and although I really hope I don't lose my milk I know that it will be a possibility so December might be ok. If not, I can always do the program without taking a pill anyway.
Well there you have it, I spilled my guts on something that is just about the most humiliating thing about me. I feel like this blog is sort of like my food rehab, the more I spill the more I will work to lose the weight. I don't want to be that person hiding in a closet packing on the pounds because I can't stop eating. So please, pretty pretty pretty please, keep the encouragement coming because I need it! Until tomorrow.....
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